“If it Had Been Me…”

The greatest lesson I have learned this past year is to learn to not say, "If it had been me I would or wouldn’t  have done___…."  Until we are in a situation, we have no idea what we would or wouldn’t/could or couldn’t do. 
Years ago I went to the wake of a seventeen year old boy who was being raised alone by his mom.  He was her only child and had died in a car accident.  After the wake, I visited a friend and cried while sitting at her kitchen table wondering how the mother could have been so calm.  Had it been my child I would not have been able to go on.  My friend wisely told me, "God does not give us grace in advance."  He gives it to us when we need it and not before.
Guessing games are not a part of faith.  If His "eye is on the sparrow," how much more will He minister to us?  Am I guaranteed safety for my children and my spouse and my little grandbaby?  No.  Am I guaranteed comfort in sorrow and hope for tomorrow?  Yes.  Do I want to find out how I would react should tragedy visit my family?  No.  Can I be sure that God will not forsake me in my hour of trial?  Yes.
Have I already known sorrow?  Not in the sense that I have lost a child or spouse.  The authority I speak with comes from God’s word and from friends who have lived through the loss of spouses and children.  One in particular is my friend, C.  Her husband was taken from her and their four children nearly two years ago at the age of 44.  She, along with her brother-in-law have setup a website to help those who grieve.  When I read it, I cried anew with and for them but I can see how it would help people who are experiencing similar situations.  If you need help with your grief, please visit www.grievingwithapurpose.com.  Even if you are not feeling a loss at this time I believe you will be blessed by this site.
I pray for you safety, warmth and blessed assurance.  gail

26 responses to ““If it Had Been Me…”

  1. Hey Gail, late here…1:18am. Just wishing you blessings and peace. 🙂
    I too have learnt not to say I would have or would not..till I have experienced it myself. For one never knows how one will react till faced with the situation itself.
    Ok, will ciao. God bless you and all at home.

  2. Hi Gail, I guess it’s human nature that we always think we know with certainty what we would have done in a situation.  The reality is that we don’t know, and I always say that if you haven’t walked in someone’s shoes, just stay silent.  Death is a real part of life; yet, it is such a difficult thing to deal with.  I haven’t dealt with it in any real way myself, but like you said, the only assurance I have is that the Lord will definitely see me through.  Sometimes I think of one of parents dying, and my eyes fill with tears, but I know He will take me by the hand and dry my tears.  I try not to worry about tomorrow because I know that He has already taken care of ALL my tomorrows.  God bless you and have a lovely weekend.

  3. I can thank Emma’s mommy for starting this lovely little virus fest.  She was sick about 3 weeks ago and now it is finally working it’s way to me, dang it!  lol  I feel a little bit better today so I am hoping that it will stick and I won’t go down hill this weekend.  I HATE being sick!
    I better run to the store.  Somehow I managed to grocery shop yesterday and miss the fact that we were out of milk and half and half for my coffee.  TRAGIC!!

  4. I can’t wait to check out this site. We spent last night at the hospital with my grandpa. He had a stroke. They’re doing some tests this weekend but he seems to be coming back from it okay.  Would you mind throwing up a few prayers this weekend. Thanks gail and again, can’t wait to check out the site.

  5. God knows that I would not have picked the path that He put me on, but He certainly didn’t leave me to walk it alone. God gives us what we need when we need it. Unfortunately, that sometimes includes painful events.
    Had I been given a choice, I would not have experienced some of my ‘personal growth’ experiences and I believe that I would be a lesser person for it. 
    God knows what our souls need to grow, heal and what we need to enable us to give to others.
    Our oldest granddaughter’s death was very painful for all of us. Although it brought back her own pain; my daughter became a wonderful grief counselor – and by helping others heal, she grew immensly in her faith.
    I’ll have to check out the website, I know there’s been a few times I could have used something like that, myself.

  6. Gail – What wonderful words of wisdom.  I too tend to say "if it were me….." Grief is such a personal thing and although I have not had to walk down that path of loss, I am close to those who have lost husbands (our youth pastor died at 42 years old) and children (we know a little boy who died of leukemia at 2 years old).    It is never easy but some people learn more about our Lord’s love and comfort during those trials. 
    Take care,

  7. My aunt was a self-proclaimed cry baby.  She teared up over everything.  Then when her husband died she was calm.  She said the same thing your friend did.  The comfort came when she needed it.  Those words were a comfort to me because you see, I’m also a self-proclaimed cry baby.

    Good lesson to learn, Gail. Except I believe God will watch over those I love. Something happening to family members scares me to no end. I am learning to trust God to take care of them and keep them safe. I pray for that continually.
    I will look at your friend’s space later today. I am scared to look at it right now.
    Thank you for sharing!

  9. finally, i can write something, last night i was trying to write something, i pressed the bold icon, and back i went, all over again, and i was stubborn!!!ahahabut finally after trying like 7-8 times, and plus all the times i had to re open the space.and all of this to tell you that i dont have to go to the embassy, i have to go to chilexpress, a courier company, and i have to go and get an application form and then send it thru that same company and then wait till ther call me for an interviewbut first of all, i have to go and get my passport, thats the one easy thing.whew, ok i have to go now, some beds are waiting for me and i have to get a shower and then get ready for lunch and then youth meeting, oh did in tell you that we’re goin on a summer camp, yay!!cant wait for it, tis in feb, 19-24 so i wont be here, well not much difference since we dont talk that often, but still i wont be here!!!!love ya my Gblessings♥♥♥

  10. I lost my mom when she was 54 and I was 20.  Grief is very difficult when you don’t understand life and death.  I struggled with it daily for 3 solid months.  Then I saw the light.  I realized that with my mom being a Christian she had everlasting life.  She would not want me to be so sad and distraught.  She is the reason I’m a Christian and the woman I am today.  Shortly after that I accepted Christ as my saviour.  I have hope.  Fast forward 14.5 years when my father passed.  He died unexpectedly of a cardiac arrest and was found possibly 2 days after his death.  Though that one was unexpected, it was "easier" if that makes since.  For I knew my father was in a much better place.   I flew to Missouri for the funeral and returned to Maryland to work in just a few days.  My boss at the time thought I had not taken enough time to grieve.  Geez people just don’t understand.  Death and how we react to it is such an individual process.  We really cannot predict how we will react in a particular situation until we have been through it already.  Very thought provoking…..thanks Gail.  Have a great weekend!   

  11. Ciao G,
    How are you?
    Just dropping into say Hi and also to wish you a great Sunday in the Lord.
    Hope that your week will be filled with Gods Blessings.
    (¯`v´¯)`*.¸.*´¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•_____****__________**** __________***____***____***__ *** ______***________****_______***____***__________**_________***___***_____________________***___***________JUST_________***____***_____SHOWING______***______***______LOVE_______***________***_______________***___________***___________***_______________***_______***___________________***___***_______________________*****__________________________***____________________________*_______________Hugs & Kisses LoveShelleyxXx

  12. Jesus also said on the “Mount” it is better to be in the house of the mourner rather than the party house, so you were doing the right thing too ~smiles~.  I like that though about Grace it is so true.
    I am normally a PSTD nightmare ~chuckles~ but during a gunfight or a seriously critical situation I am the calmest guy you ever saw.  Blatantly standing in the line of fire like Patton on a movie ~grins~.  But for the life of me I cannot function well in society? ~chuckles~.
    I have watched many people I care about die, but nothing as close as a parent, child or lover ~cringes~.  And I hope I go before them because I am not sure how I will respond, but I hope that God gives me the Grace to endure such travesties ~sighs~.
    I might very well fit that last story, and I am 41…
    That is why I work my butt off for peace, justice and God ~smiles~ because any day can be your last ~winks~.  Very good topic today Gail ~hugs~

  13. So totally true… I have ‘lived’ thru events in my life that, before they happened, I would have told you I could not have dealt with.   I read a great part in Cory Ten Boom’s book "The Hiding Place" about how she and her father were getting on a train, and she kept asking for her ticket, but he wouldn’t give it to her until she stepped onto the train, and he told her that was just like the Lord, that he gives us what we need at exactly the moment we need it, and not before.  It may not make it easy, but it makes it bearable.

  14. This is so very very true. I’ve seen people go through things and wonder how in the world they did it so well. But God gave them grace. I went through a horrible time about 6-7 years ago and I thought I might die. But God gave me grace. It was the worst pain of my life, and yet the closest I’d ever been to God. People were amazed at my strength. They did not realize it was not me. It was the grace of God. You don’t truly get that until you’ve been through something. I don’t know how anyone can live their life without God!

  15. I heard that G!  That is what I try and do.  Follow the letter of the law through Christ and not get caught up in other peoples motes and beams.  Sometimes the demon of self righteoussness overwhelms me and I just can’t figure out how come poeple who spend their entire lives in church can’t follow the simple dictates of the "Sermon on the Mount" ~chuckles~.
    This too shall pass ~chuckles~
    Love ya hun,

  16. Learning to be "thick skinned" is one of the most important lessons Jesus taught us by His example.  My grandmother was the very first to tell me that sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never kill you.  Don’t worry Gail, I’m quite used to this from those who continue to lash out at us in our belief.  It never causes me anger, only sadness for them, and with that sadness I can always pray for them without their permission.
    God bless you for sharing the website of your friend.  My wife has lost two immediate relatives and four close friends since May ’06’ and all of them were relatively young.  With God’s help and through His Spirit, many doors have been opened to me over the past few years.  I’ll share this website with several people I know that I can present to them in a manner that does not suggest they "need it", but rather as in general conversation per say.
    Now, as for me, I’ve since changed my permissions to Messenger, friends, and friends of friends.  Way ahead of you there my sister, but I do appreciate the encouragement from such a special friend as yourself.  Actually, I’ve been very sick for the past couple of months with a sleeping disorder that as of yet has not been diagnosed.  The "sick" part is due to lack of sleep.  The doctors want to give it all kinds of special names such as PTSD, depression, unresolved issues in my subconscious etc.  I just smile gently to myself on the inside and think of our Savior when receiving all these differing opinions.  They all mean well, but I’ve got a most loving Someone special that will tend to my needs.  Hope to have a new post up before this day is done.  In the mean time, I want you to march on mighty soldier of peace.  No need to fear for me.  I seldom drift from the "light", and when I do it is only a matter of moments until He pulls me back in.  Our heavenly Father is indeed stronger than the prince of this world! BTW, hope you don’t mind my referring to you as my sister.  I do feel the strong spiritual connection we all share in that faithful context.
    J. Wesley         

  17. Grandpa did very well. Is back home and we can see no lasting effects. Praise God.  Grandpa feels very ready for this life to be over. And it won’t be tragic or terrible if he goes, but the heart still bleeds and I’m glad to have been given the reprieve for now.  Thanks for inquiring.  You’re so special.

  18. Gai,
    You again have touched my heart and soul with this post . Thanks and now I know when I look at a little sparrow I will always think of you, and the mighty hand and works of our God,!!!!  Thanks for this wonderful lesson.
    Love and Hugs

  19. hello Gail ,noce to see you have been by my space today ,,I thought I best get on here & dash around a few spaces  before going off to my bed .Fergus has been in bed since 7 30 pm  &  all is peaceful .I hope things are well with you ,I will get around to writing soon & catching up on how you really are 😀
    we have a God who provides for our needs,thanking Him that we do not know what the future holds for us but that we do know that He will be there for us as He promises …praising Him for His mercy in not being tested as some are
    peace and joy be yours

  20. Thanks for the prayers!  It is completely in God’s hands.  I’ve prepared myself mentally if by chance I am not accepted.  I will just try again next year and they will know that I am really interested.  But let’s just pray that doesn’t happen.  Ok I will post as soon as I know something.  Hope you are having a great week!

  21. i will stop by there for sure…and the spice party is explained in todays entry…oh and i am doing good by the way thanx for asking… 
    :o) smiles easy to give away they are free… :o) very contagious… :o) so pass one to anyone … :o) to people that you love… :o) and even to those you don’t… :o) in no time the whole world will be smiling :o)

  22. She has been in business for FOUR YEARS!!!!!  But she has never had an employee until this year.  This just totally irritates me!!
    Hannah is hanging in.  She is so ready!!  She said she feels like her skin is about to burst, but I hardly think so, she is so tiny.  Maybe if she had gained 50 pounds like I did….lol.

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