Advice, Please

Okay, people.  Put on your thinking caps and please give us a hand here.
My dear daughter, The Girl, is 27 years old.  For the last year she has work stayed with the same company trying her best and being extremely professional.  She was spotted by the district  manager of her current job when she was a temp and he had her interview for a permanent position.  She has been permanent since this past September making a good salary and getting health benefits.
Here is the problem:  There were five women working at her branch.  The branch manager, senior agent, an agent and two associate agents, including The Girl.  The Girl was so excited to have a career and has worked so hard. 
Early on the manager and senior agent started in with their whispering behind the other workers backs and looking at everyone’s e-mails.  The senior agent was supposed to be training The Girl but had The Girl taking all the calls and blaming her for everything that went wrong.
The Girl and the other associate agent were sent out of state for training.  The people at the training center were gung ho and the girls came home excited about their jobs.  Wrong.  Manager and Senior agent continued to gossip and put our girl down.  The other associate agent, who had less responsibilities because she has no children quit.
The agent is ready to leave.
The Girl has been sick with the horrible things the manager, who mysteriously disappears into the ladies’ room after lunch and comes back sniffing alot, and the senior agent say about her behind her back AND to her face.
The Girl was just sent to another training seminar out of state.  The afternoon class was canceled and she went back to her hotel room, packed and left.  Her manager found out about the class being canceled and wanted to know why The Girl didn’t leave immediately and come back to the office.  Had she done that it would have been after seven at night.  She went off on my girl about not wanting to see her daughter and putting her down.
Well, The Girl went to work this morning and the manager, who uses text messaging every single day  multiple times a day to check up on everyone before she arrives at the office, kept on texting to make sure the sr. agent didn’t talk with The Girl before she had a chance to.  The Girl got so sick to her stomach that she had to leave, gagging.  She is having panic attacks and tachycardia.
I know that I can not explain this enough for you all to understand but I could really use some advice for my girl.  She is terribly thin and gaunt from all the stress.  She has tried so hard to do well and these women are torturing her. 
In the midst of all this, clients are calling and complimenting The Girl on her professionalism!  A woman working amidst women is rough.  This is hellish.
So, here is where we are asking for advice:  The Girl would rather be fired than quit.  That way she could collect unemployment while looking for other employment so she can pay her rent and take care of her daughter.
My advice?  Call the district manager and tell him all that has been going on including the mysterious visits the manager makes to the ladies’ room.  Remind him of what the other associate agent said during her exit interview – all that I described here and more.  See what he has to say about it.  Then, if he wants to let her go, and  leave the office, which presently needs at least two more agents, with only three, so be it.  Isn’t it better for her to get all this out in the open and possibly be let go by him but possibly also make a difference in her potential with the company?
I know I did a whole blog entry on learning not to say , "If it were me I would."  I still stand by that.  We would just appreciate a fresh look at this situation.  Please?
Thanks, buds.  g
P.S.  Mom, think on this and give me a call, okay?  Love you.
One more thing:  The company does not allow drug testing of its employees.  It is based in a country where it isn’t as big a deal as it is here.

27 responses to “Advice, Please

  1. dear g…you are getting all sorts of stuff to cope with 😦         & Bells too 🙂
    do you have job protection where you live ? we have it here in England and means that you can report wht is going on & if you are unfairly dismissed you can go to tribunal over it.
    have a quiet heart ,praying for you all

  2. Wow, this is a tough one!  And it’s hard to 2nd-guess how upper management could take this.  Does the Girl have a copy of the company policy regarding handling of these matters? 
    Also, does the company do random drug tests from time-to-time?  Perhaps the Girl could approach it by asking about that to the proper authority.  Or perhaps she could drop in an anonymous comment of concern regarding a coworker who shall remain nameless.
    It’s one of those things to definitely ask God for wisdom concerning the best way to handle it.

  3. This is a difficult one, but I tend to agree with Carol.  It might be better to approach it anonymously initially and if that doesn’t work, maybe try some of your proposed approach.
    Thankfully I have never worked very long in the civilian world, except as a trooper, and didn’t have to deal with the ins and outs of office work.  I did, however, have to deal with office politics in the Army and one of these days I’ll tell you about the "NCO mutiny" of which I was the spokesperson and of course assumed the leader.
    Good luck and let us know how it comes out.Billy

  4. One thing I neglected to mention is that the company is based in a country that doesn’t frown all that much on drug use.  There is no drug testing of employees allowed.
    My girl said she wouldn’t be able to make a case for harassment but I wonder about it.  My mom was the first one to bring that up.
    Thanks.  Keep those cards and letters coming.  g

  5. This is a tough one eh Gail? Yeah, if she’s bold, she might wanna sit down with the district manager and talk. Also look in her contract and see what’s actually her part and what’s not. but then again, in many jobs, we are required to do miscellanious stuff not mentioned.
    Or if she has really good/clients, maybe they could put in a word for her?
    Does she have very good clients who are potential employers? could some of them help her find better employment elsewhere? I think that’s best…. Create a new resume, and include trainings she’s gone through, experiences etc etc…… and pray that she’ll find a new job with a better pay. That way she can just leave peacefully.
     THere’s a saying "do not severe the bridge behind you when you leave." coz one day that horrible manager might get fired, and she might be counteroffered a better pay? or even take that position.
    well in all things pray..will pray. God bless!

  6. Women working among women is the WORST job in the world.  POOR THING…I would probably try to get fired…screw that shit!  It is obviously WAY too stressful for her…anxiety/panic attacks are horrible, awful…no one should have to go through that.  That is what I think.

  7. Oh Gail – I’m so sorry your daughter has to deal with this type of treatment.  As unfair as it is, I think that she does not have a lot to lose by standing up for herself and speaking out about her treatment and how the manager is allowing this craziness to continue. 
    We can pray that she will have protection from the Father for her job and that in the end she will shine and be seen by management as her customers see her.
    Take care,

  8. Is she putting out the word she’s in the market? Perhaps she should mention she’s ‘looking’ to those who are complimenting her work. Her health is more important than the job – we just talked about this last night at Bible Study. Yes, it is important to support yourself and your family – but still you must depend not on yourself, but on God. He will supply your needs, it’s His promise to us.
    Keeping you in my prayers. -cindy

    My opinion, for what it’s worth…
    She should start sending out her resume immediately. I understand how she wants to collect unemployment, but getting fired is so drastic and puts a black mark on her career. She doesn’t deserve that. It will end up hindering her in the long run.
    As far as the manager being disciplined. I doubt that will happen, so it’s probably not worth the fight. She could go to the district manager and cite personality conflicts though and request to be transferred to another office if she wants to stay with this company.
    The hard part is her health concerns. No job is worth getting sick over. If it will be difficult to find a similar job she could always do something else in the meantime if she quits. I know my daughter is going fulltime at Starbucks while she is looking for a job in her field.
    To summarize… send that resume out and we will all pray something better comes along for her!!!
    I am sorry your family is going through this right now.
    Praying for you…

    It’s hard to weigh in without all the details Gail, but I think you’re right in suggesting so go to the person up the ladder a rung and talk it through. Waiting to get fired is usually a bad idea and doesn’t look good on the resume. It also seems like it would be good for some higher ups to know about this. If no one ever says anything it will just happen all over again to the next unsuspecting sweetheart and so on and so on. Hard as it may be to do, it’s also great for your dd to learn to stand up for herself a bit. It’s hard for all of us.. me in particular but when I’ve been prodded to do just that I’ve always been thankful. You’re a great mom Gail and I know just hearing you be on her side means the world to you dd.

  11. Oh that’s rough, I feel badly for the Girl. I agree with Liz, start sending out resumes, get looking for another job… and it looks much better to have quit than it does to be fired. That implies that she’s not good at what she does when obviously she is, she gets compliments for her work! My husband was telling me the other day, he’s in managment, and he was saying that he knows someone who took holidays at his currrent job and then used those holidays to get another better job. He got a new job, plus because he’s on salary he got paid to do it! There are all sorts of ways to get where you want to go, you just have to be creative and use the system. Because you KNOW the company uses the system to it’s full advantage! Good luck to the Girl… thinking of her. -S-

  12. I think she should get the resume out and look while she has great feedback in this job! Do NOT try to get fired or wait to get fired..that does look awful, and no one ever believes that is was ALL someone else’s fault..and when they call for a recommendation?? This manager could blow her story to smithereens, lying… To get unemployment you cannot be at fault for the firing…if they say she did something wrong, she won’t get it or she’ll have to fight for it, living on nothing!
    Just my opinion, and you know what they say about those!!lol

  13. How terrible Gail that she has to go through this.  Like others I agree with Lizzie – update her resume and start looking elsewhere immediately.  Getting fired will make it harder for her to find another position.  As a person who has been on the other side of the interview table I was always leery of those who talked badly about their previous positions and looked carefully at their track records for previous jobs.  I agree that her health is the most important thing here.  Wanting to stay employed and take care of her daughter is very important, but she cannot do that if she makes herself ill over this.  She may be able to ask some of her clients who know what a hard worker she is, where to send a resume, explaining that she is exploring her options, rather than saying that there are problems at her present position.  If it does get back to her present employer, that is a plausible explanation and it may initiate moving her up in the company possibly to a different place? If she is valuable to them, they would want to keep her and give her opportunities.  (Not sure about that because I don’t know her position presently).
    And I do agree, that should she leave the company without saying anything, others behind her may suffer, so before leaving, someone should be told of her ordeal there.  Someone who can do something about it.  Because she is leaving, it won’t look like she is "out to get someone" so to speak.
    Mostly – she needs to take care of her health — that’s the top priority.  Her daughter needs her to do that. 
    I wish you the best gail — I truly know how you feel, having grown kids of my own.  The urge to run in and rescue is a constant part of my life with them.  All I can do though is give advice, support and love….and of course pray alot.  : ~ )
    Have a good weekend, and let us know how things go.

  14. The Girl says she is done with the corporate world.  She even doubts that she will be able to show her face in her current position again.  Her manager says that dd’s defensiveness is her greatest problem.  Well, if she was ever encouraged instead of disparaged maybe she wouldn’t be defensive.  I have told her to stand up for herself but she is just too overwhelmed to find the strength.
    She thinks she might go back to bartending where she can make the same amount of money for less time.  Put in a little more time and she can COBRA her health insurance.  Who knows what will happen.

  15. Hello Gail,
    A person’s health is MORE important than any job. Sending out her resume to other companies would be a good move. Anonymously reporting what is going on is another good idea. A person needs to take  stand at some point and demand the respect they deserve. Documenting everything is the best thing to do. Without documentation, nothing can or will be done. It is a sad day when working in an office is as painful as what your daughter is going through. I wish her luck on this resolving itself SOON!
    Thank you for returning the Friendship Gun.
    Peace, Love, & Blessings.

  16. I’ll chime in with the same- Get the heck out of Dodge, Girl! No job is worth your health. I would tell the district manager what was going on- silence & intimidation are the weapons these women use, & people need to come forward- then I would leave with my head up.

  17. I’m on board with the "Quit now, don’t wait to get fired" group. I’d get my resume out there and then type up a concise and factual letter of events, send it to the disctict manager with cc’s to everyone on the flowchart. Certified mail.
    Getting fired is a bigger black mark our your permanent record than resigning from a crappy organization. In time, all the details will come out.
    And she should not take any of the agent’s remarks personally – I mean – look what she’s dealing with!
    Like they say, let go and let God.

  18. I would have your daughter really document everything that happens.  Leave nothing out for a few weeks.  Then go to the district manager.  If it’s not documented to a t, the DM probably won’t listen and it can cause more problems.  Also, I wouldn’t mention the bathroom visits, that is heresay and is not the best thing to say.
    Hope that helps,

  19. Oy, the joys of motherhood.
    The permanent retainer is so that your teeth always stay where they are put from the day the braces come off. It goes behind the bottom teeth.  Both of my kids had one put in and it made a huge difference in keeping their smiles nice and straight.  After spending $4800 on those teeth, it’s nice to keep them in place, lol.  They cannot do it on the top ones because it would hit the bottom teeth.  Bummer. I would rather not have to take it in and out, but that’s ok.
    The baby is coming with her parents this coming week!!  YAY!

  20. Ciao G,
    Wow, I am sorry to hear of The Girls troubles…
    I pray that she will make the right choice, as for me,
    I would talk to the manager, and if that did not work,
    I would quit.
    I have to agree with Liz on that one, to get fired leaves
    a black mark against you in the long run…and it is good
    advice that Liz gave about looking for another job, it is really
    not worth all the problems that she is going through. No
    job is worth this much worry, and making yourself sick over.
    I am really not sure if I am much of a help in this area for you,
    but the best answer is to pray about it, ask for God to guide The
    I will keep you and The Girl in my prayers.
    Wishing you a wonderful and blessed weekend.
    God Bless You G.
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  21. I would vote with the look for another job asap camp.
    As a person who handles human resources issues, I would say definitely don’t bring up the bathroom habit.  As a rule you need two witnesses and some kind of proof, otherwise it can be slander.  No sense burning bridges she may need.  Don’t let her be discouraged by the corporate world – there are many great companies out there that appreciate and reward hard workers.  There are always politics, though.  If she does talk to the district manager tell her to be careful to talk only about things she has documented or feelings she has otherwise it all just sounds like whining.
    Good luck to her!

  22. Sniffing?  He is gankin’ the crank in the john!  I hate gossip and I always give people shit when I hear them doing it.
    Truth is always the best policy, and if no one hears her cries then they never would have anyway, at least she tries if she talks to someone.
    However, I could come out there and snap their @#$@#$@ arms and legs off and tell that if they ever mess with her again Vinnie and Vito will come pay them a little visit and the next time I have to come out there they will just disappear!  That is not very Christian, but it can be extremely gratifying in the short term ~snickers~.
    Right now she is screwed either way, so it can’t hurt to try and plead her case, so I say go for it!  Especially, if she is going to lose her damn job anyway ~shrugs~.
    I will pray.  I hope it all works out and definitely let me know the outcome of this situation!

    Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you… and praying the right solution is on the way…

  24. I know I’m a little late on this.  Getting fired is not a good idea and should be avoided.  At times, I have been responsible for hiring people and there is a stigma attached to being fired from your last job.  Also, the view from the other side of the fence (management) is made with the knowledge that it can be very difficult to fire someone in today’s USA corporate world.  Due to the many “wrongful dismissal” lawsuits, it is increasing difficult to just fire someone unless there is a reason for firing them.  This makes a good manager wary of folks who have been fired from their previous job.  
    If she can look a possible future employer in the eye, tell them she quit as a “matter of conscience” and be able to say that without bitterness, she will be on much better footing than if she got fired.  It is even better to be able to get a new job while still working at the old job.
    I’m clueless on what type of company The Girl works for or what they do.  Is the company large enough that it’s possible to get a transfer?  I ask this because there can be repercussions for being a “whistle blower”, but if she were to simply request a transfer, it may open up further discussions with authorities above the local “bosses”.  There might also be the chance to hint at the current problems in the office.
    I strongly recommend that she not accuse a co-worker of drug use unless she has proof of the same.  There are laws concerning slander and libel (if she puts this in writing) which could cause The Girl to land in a much worst situation.
    If she were working with men, I would encourage her to stand up to them and get in their face about the harassment.  I’m honestly not to sure about how this would fly with a gang of women.  Your daughter needs to be aware of the company’s harassment policy.  Harassment is not just the sexual type, which we are familiar with, but it includes verbal, mental, etc.  If The Girl is doing performing her job duties well, but she is being harassed by her management, she may have legal grounds for a suit.  She would need to keep detailed notes on what is happening.
    Most important though is this – she needs to know her own value.  She is being ripped apart at work; therefore, she must be built up at home.  Let her know you believe in her, that you know what she’s experiencing and you are absolutely confident she is going to come out on top in this situation.  You must believe this yourself to be enabled to convey this confidence to her.  Tell her she is bigger than these people (you know that’s true!) and that if she will “stay in the fight”, she will win (this is also true).  She sees herself as a victim and this causes her to act like a victim.  Gail, you can help her see herself as a victor.  If her vision changes, she will change to match her vision.

  25. Oh my gosh!  I’m so sorry your daughter has to go through this.  You’ve gotten a lot of good advice.  But I have to say women are the worst to work with.  I think I would rather work with all men.  Women are the worst gossipers and backstabbers.  I will pray for your daughter that she finds the strength to do the right thing.  The rest is up to God. 

  26. I’m so sorry I didn’t see this before. I agree with you that she needs to take the issues to the higher ups if possible. Whatever she decides, she can’t keep going like she is. Too much stress! It just isn’t worth it. I hope things are working out and something has happened by now!

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