Phew. I have a few minutes so I will try to gather my thoughts about the "Family Focus" weekend we attended. I will intersperse a few quotes from the weekend throughout this entry.
Carol Louise said something about being surprised at my using the word "fabulous" in describing a weekend at a rehab. In explanation, I will say that I went out there with a huge knot in my stomach and left with the knot being much smaller. Our son was not a part of this educational adventure. We didn’t see him until regular visiting hours on Sunday.
"Recovery is not an event; it’s a process."
What was principly taught is that we, too, are in the early stages of recovery. The addict brings us along in their addiction and we react in different ways; illness, such as migraines, stomach ailments, fatigue; marital problems; financial problems, etc. We also have to recover! We have to get beyond denial and accept that our loved one is an addict.
"Denial is not just a river in Egypt."
We have to be honest with ourselves about their addiction.
We can’t control it.
We can’t cure it.
We didn’t cause it.
We have to be freed from the hostage situation we allowed ourselves to be put into by the addict
I don’t remember the last time I slept well when The Boy was home for fear that he would sneak out and do something to harm himself.
"I have a bladder problem. When I drink, I piss people off." (Thanks to R for that one.)
By being educated about the addiction process and the recovery process, we are better equipped to deal with The Boy’s homecoming this Sunday.
"First the man takes a drink then a drink takes a drink then the drink takes a man."
There is so much I could write here about "our time in rehab." A special thanks to S. for being the coordinator of family education. She puts her all into the program and I can see she truly cares about us. When asked on the side about something particular to our situation, I would occasionally here her say, "Walk with me." No question was stupid and all concerns were valid. She also came out with one of the best comments of the weekend: "We’re not curing adolescence for ya’!" (But why now, S.?) Bless you, S.
"The beauty of addiction is the miracle of recovery."
The addict is much less likely to relapse if the family is in recovery, too. That means that Himself and I will be attending Al-Anon meetings (meetings for the families of alcoholics) on a regular basis.
We must remember: "Progress, not perfection."
Thank you all for taking this journey with me. I hope it has helped someone. I rarely check my statistics so I don’t know if I have been having "phantom" visitors or not. Still – I hope.
Post Script: In answer to Liz’s question, the visit with The Boy went very well. He is looking forward to coming home but I am sure he will be a bit scared – that is he will be if he really has a grasp on what these four weeks mean .