“Don’t Just Do Something; Sit There” Day 23

Phew.  I have a few minutes so I will try to gather my thoughts about the "Family Focus" weekend we attended.  I will intersperse a few quotes from the weekend throughout this entry.
Carol Louise said something about being surprised at my using the word "fabulous" in describing a weekend at a rehab.  In explanation, I will say that I went out there with a huge knot in my stomach and left with the knot being much smaller.   Our son was not a part of this educational adventure.  We didn’t see him until regular visiting hours on Sunday.
"Recovery is not an event; it’s a process."
What was principly taught is that we, too, are in the early stages of recovery.  The addict brings us along in their addiction and we react in different ways; illness, such as migraines, stomach ailments, fatigue; marital problems; financial problems, etc.  We also have to recover!  We have to get beyond denial and accept that our loved one is an addict.
"Denial is not just a river in Egypt."
We have to be  honest with ourselves about their addiction. 
We can’t control it.
We can’t cure it.
We didn’t cause it.
We have to be freed from the hostage situation we allowed ourselves to be put into by the addict
I don’t remember the last time I slept well when The Boy was home for fear that he would sneak out and do something to harm himself.
"I have a bladder problem.  When I drink, I piss people off."  (Thanks to R for that one.)
By being educated about the addiction process and the recovery process, we are better equipped to deal with The Boy’s homecoming this Sunday.
"First the  man takes a drink then a drink takes a drink then the drink takes a man."
There is so much I could write here about "our time in rehab."  A special thanks to S. for being the coordinator of family education.  She puts her all into the program and I can see she truly cares about us.  When asked on the side about something particular to our situation, I would occasionally here her say, "Walk with me."  No question was stupid and all concerns were valid.  She also came out with one of the best comments of the weekend:  "We’re not curing adolescence for ya’!"  (But why now, S.?)  Bless you, S.
"The beauty of addiction is the miracle of recovery."
The addict is much less likely to relapse if the family is in recovery, too.  That means that Himself and I will be attending Al-Anon meetings (meetings for the families of alcoholics) on a regular basis.
We must remember:  "Progress, not perfection."
Thank you all for taking this journey with me.  I hope it has helped someone.  I rarely check my statistics so I don’t know if I have been having "phantom" visitors or not.  Still – I hope.
blessings, g
Post Script:  In answer to Liz’s question, the visit with The Boy went very well.  He is looking forward to coming home but I am sure he will be a bit scared – that is he will be if he really has a grasp on what these four weeks mean .

22 responses to ““Don’t Just Do Something; Sit There” Day 23

  1. I bet you would probably be surprised how many ‘phantom’ visitors you have.  Not everyone has anything to add but they are still thinking of you. 
    Sounds like you made good of your weekend.  I hope it helps you when you son comes home. 
    I think it seems much less overwhelming when they break it down for you. 
    I like the bladder problem quote.  Too true. 

    I love this quote: "We’re not curing adolescence for ya!"
    Isn’t that just the hardest time?
    Anyways, I am glad you are all on the same page and are ALL dedicaetd to your recoveries!!!!
    Keeping you in my prayers,
    PS: You didn’t mention how your visit with the boy went this time. Is he looking forward to coming home?

  3. Gail – I’ve been away for so long….. I am so sorry for what you are having to endure with the rehab experience for "the boy".  The entire family truly is enmeshed in the life of an alcoholic member.  I’m glad he is getting the help he needs and sticking with it.  I pray that he finds peace in sobriety. 
    You are an awesome mom and I pray that you continue to stand strong as all walk through the recovery process.

  4.  well i think that is great…your family has really come together to get everything put together to help each other through…good for you guys…
    *~*   :o) smiles are contagious…  :o)  so pass one on …  :o)  soon the whole world will be smiling… :o)   *~*

  5. Now I see what you mean about fabulous! Just being able to get a better understanding of what you’re dealing with…that’s got to be quite empowering! 
    It’s hard to believe it’s been 4 weeks already!
    I forget, and, forgive me…is he a senior now?  I pray that he too will be empowered to find a whole new way of approaching life – at home, in school, wherever he finds himself.  Hopefully he’ll be around people who have a lot of time in recovery – and especially around Christians in recovery.  Many like to argue about this point, but there really is a difference.  I mean, the whole program is centered around God – or what they call in those doors a "higher power."  I personally found it very freeing whenever I encountered people with whom I didn’t have to tip-toe around all the various ideas – and especially the emotions around the ideas – of what that "higher power" is.  It’s like I could really open up and "let my hair down" just knowing I was on the same page with someone spiritually.  That’s important – if not THE most important thing.  And as he’s around people who’ve made a life for themselves outside of drugs and alcohol, he can begin to see how life can be worth the living without the monkey on his back.
    Love ya Gail!!!  Lots and lots!!!
    Carol 🙂

  6.  you are all on the right road and walking it together …praying that it stays this way
    sorry to hear that you cannot view my albums ,is it the same on all msn spaces gail ?

  7. Thanks for stopping by and saying hello.
    I am glad to hear everything seems to be progressing.  I am sure there will be bumps in the road, but hopefully they won’t be too large or too deep.
    Continue to keep us abreast of how you and your family are fairing with something that most of us definitely don’t want to talk about, much less come to grips with.
    I’ll continue to keep coming by and checking on you.Billy 

  8. Hello Gail,
    While I might not have stopped by physically, my thoughts and prayers have been with you. Rehab has been well explained to you. It is one day at a time and will always be so. IF theiri is a slip, do not get discouraged nor feel guilty. Slips happen in the majority of cases. All we can do is pray and hope that your son doesn’t slip.
    Peace & Blessings.

  9. Gail – praying that your day is full of bright hope and abundant blessings!
    Thinking of you and your son…..
    Take care,

  10. My prayers and thoughts are with you as "the Boy" returns home to you and the recovery goes smoothly for everyone.  Yes things are really picking up here.  My bs’s are crazy like always 140’s to 160’s now.  But nothing higher than that.  And the medication is not causing any bad side effects so far.  It may just take a bit to get it stable in my system before it works the way it should.   

  11. Hey G,
    praying for a wonderful time of reunion for you and the boy. That the Lord will guide you.. and grant you extra wisdom. 🙂

  12.  Hi Gail – I just wanted to take a minute to tell you what great parents The Boy has that they will stand behind him and support him by entering into the Recovery process with him.  Having worked at a 30 day inpatient program as Admissions Coordinator in Albany for two years, I know how valuable that is.   As Alien Hunter says — One Day at a time and don’t get discouraged. 

  13. Yes, recovery is definitely a process. I am so behind. I need to read more of your posts to see what all has happened. I miss talking to you! Thanks for the prayers. Mine are with you as well. 

  14. Hi G…
    My heart and prayers go out to you all.
    My prayer is that your son finds strong friendships with those who have overcome for years.
    Those sponsors who know what it takes to stay dry.
    Most of all, that this dark cloud of addiction (oppression) be removed completely and the void filled with the fullness and relationship with God’s Spirit.
    Ministering angels around you all and a future of many blessings…So be it.

  15. Wow…has it really been that long since I’ve visited your space??  So much that you’ve been going thru!  I will be praying for you and your son; well, your whole family.   Don’t blame yourself, but I know why you do…I have had to work at forgiving my parents for not realizing something seriously wrong was going on with my little sister – my other sis and I knew things weren’t right, and we were just kids ourselves.  As a parent now, I know you just want to believe the best of your kids.  I also agree with Adam… My sister had a "beautiful mind" and somehow folks like her don’t deal with the world the way the rest of us do…  For future reference for you, there is this program – Faith based – called "Celebrate Recovery".  It’s Nationwide, we have a huge group at our church.  The "CR" people, as they are called, look like a scary bunch for the most part – all of ’em addicts.  Meth is a big problem here, as well as alcohol and other stuff…. but these people LOVE Jesus and each other – and the group has an 85% success rate!  Just a thought for you.  Sorry, I don’t mean to fill up your whole space!  I just know how much a person suffers when a loved one is messing up.
    OH – sorry about my pics 😦  is it just my space, or Spaces in general?  And I have such great pics!  lol. 
    Loads of love to you! 

  16. The Boy’s homecoming will be filled with an endless supply of the magic tonic called "LOVE"…
    Your family are in my thoughts and prayers….you will endure the storm and all be wiser for the journey.  Gail, we can never give up hope.  Sending you a hearty salute to a glorious return of a wound that will heal from the place called home sweet home.  In times like these we find strength from places unknown before.  Peace and blessings to all you love.

  17. Hi G ~
    How is it going there? Well enough I hope.
    Come take a gander at my new grandson. I finally got to see pictures today. I would love to hold him and squeeze him up!
    You have a big weekend coming up with your son coming home…
    You will be fine. I hope it is a case of the anticipation is worse than the event… you know?
    Hugs to you, Love, Lori 

  18. Glad you seem to be doing well. I stand in agreement with Greg and many others for your peace of mind and heart, protection for you and for him, for wisdom for all of you.. and that he will recover steadily and find friends to help him. Peace to you.

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