*Warning* This is not a warm, fluffy, let’s have fun post. If you are looking for one, please come back at the end of the week when I hope to be back in form.
Today, actually yesterday, as it is now after midnight, was a strange one. I do not do well with change but change is in the air.
Isabella, once again, put The Girl’s cell phone in the toilet destroying it. As The Girl is in the process of job searching this was not good timing so I made my daughter promise to keep my phone in a safe place and let her use it. Turns out that my being without cell phone was a good thing. More on that later.
I arrived at my friend’s hospice room at an inner city hospital around 12:45 PM and was there until around 6:30 PM. This gave her husband a chance to go home and shower and tinker around the house knowing that their 27 year old daughter, who is now old enough to be my friend as well, would have company in his absence as she stood vigil at her mom’s bedside. My friend, L., recognized me before she was pain medicated so much that she fell into a deep sleep.
Spending time in this way is not terribly difficult for me. I have no idea why this is true but it is. I am blessed by being allowed by the family to be there. Death does not frighten me. Life lived foolishly does, though.
When I finally got home, I had about forty minutes before I was expected at a meeting. Walking in the door I was greeted by my daughter who was in hysterics because Isabella’s father had, well, let’s just say he helped her to get into hysterics and she is moving back in with us until she can get back on her feet.
Jumping back to paragraph one of this entry, I don’t deal well with change. As dysfunctional as my home is, there is still a rhythm to the madness. Having my grown daughter and hyper granddaughter move into my humble abode is already disrupting the rhythm. (As much as I love them both, distance does make the heart grow fonder.)
As mentioned in paragraph II, being without my cell phone kept me from having to deal with the soap opera that was being played out here between my daughter, Bells’ father, Himself and The Boy. Thank God!
By the time I went to my meeting, which is a women’s group from church which is beyond supportive – a very safe place to be, I was ready for some peace. Nope. This meeting was one where people who were hurting were ministered to. Although we have a written agenda, we go as the Spirit leads and anyone who needs prayer is prayed with immediately. Out of our two hours together at least three quarters was spent that way.
Do you know that being in that hospital room made more sense to me than being at home or at that meeting? The pain expressed and ministered to at the meeting made me cry as I haven’t cried for L. or for my family. Coming home was so very difficult and all I wanted to do was go to bed and be left alone. However, sleep eludes me and here I sit trying to work out the strangeness and the emotions of this strange day.
Pain is a part of life. Seeing a loved one dying is part of the circle of life.
Watching the foolishness of two intelligent young people who have made stupid decisions trying to make things change by making the same stupid decisions over and over again is a waste.
Being in a meeting with hurting people helping one another in love is unusual and cathartic. It brought to the surface my frustrations and hurts and questions I had/have for God. Being loved and cared for by women who love me, warts and all, is life transforming.
Ya’ll don’t really know me well. I work hard at filtering my words and reactions both here and in person but real life doesn’t have a delete key! Suffering from "foot in mouth" disease has been a problem all my life even though it has gotten better as I have grown in faith. Still, these women accept me as I am and cheer me on in all I do, well, it doesn’t get much better this side of glory. I wish for all of you to have this kind of acceptance and love.
Phew! Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. If you feel like praying I sure wouldn’t mind a few words sent heavenward for me and mine and for L. and her family.
bless you all, gail