Freakish Fluff Falls

 
In the beginning of this week, a light jacket or long-sleeved shirts was enough to be comfortable outside.  This morning I woke up to snow!  It’s a good thing we didn’t put away the brushes we use to clean off the cars yet.  I had many miles to go before I could rest today.
 
Our best laid plans often don’t come about.  When I entered college, my "plan" was to immediately get my graduate degrees and open a counseling center for adolescents (yes, there is only one "l" in counseling even though it looks weird.  I looked it up to be sure).  I figured they were the lost souls because they weren’t cute like little kids and adults had many options.
 
Well, I finished my degree in psychology with an unofficial minor in health education and set out to conquer the world.  However, I impulsively made some decisions that sidetracked "the plan."  Marriage, child, divorce, single parenthood, remarriage and another child caused me to set aside the dream.
 
In my mid-thirties, I earned my teaching certificate for grades K-8 and taught for one year.  The principal decided it was not my bag.  He liked sweet young things and, honestly, I could have tried harder.  The conditions were not all that good but it was a major blow to me.
 
Unable to find another teaching position, I took on office work which is something I could always lean back on.  Then, after about four or five years, I entered a deep, clinical depression.  So bad that I eventually qualified for permanent disability.  Definitely not part of "the plan."
 
A full year was spent "on the couch" fighting anxiety and watching home decorating and cooking shows.    I never "planned" to get off that couch.  I did, though.  Then the anorexia (third bout).  Then more treatment.
 
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me and I will listen to you.  You will seek Me and find Me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity."
 
Since I was 16 years old, I have counted on God.  I have never wavered in my belief in Him.  The mistakes I made were made because I didn’t include Him in "my plans."  I was a spoiled child blaming everyone but myself for the situations I found myself in and self-loathing and self-pity were the result.
 
After Isabella was born, I realized I had to get my act together.  I was already doing fairly well but wasn’t experiencing joy in my life.
 
Three months after her birth I gave up smoking.  A year and a half after her birth, when I began to lose my smile again, I decided to continue in a therapy I had started with a qualified person from my church.  (The therapy is based on the book "Walls of My Heart" by Bruce Thompson.)  What took one person three months to do has taken me over a year and a half to and I am not through yet!  However, I have found my smile and I can truly tell you….
 
I have joy!
 
Deep down, earnest, sometimes giddy joy!    Where before, I was unapproachable and people told me they were afraid of me (they told me after they got to know me), now they seek my company!  I still don’t like mornings but at least I am no longer annoyed  that the world still exists when I wake up…I still need my cup of tea and quiet before I am approachable.
 
Becoming a Christian doesn’t guarantee you will have an easy life.  Nor does it guarantee you will be happy.  It guarantees you a place in heaven and the opportunity to be joyful.  Once I put my life in His hands and got over my self-pity, God was able to do a wonderful work in me.  And He continues to.  I don’t know if this makes sense to you but it is the main reason I write.  To share Him and the transforming power He has if we only allow Him in.
 
The snowfall could have dampened my plans but it didn’t.  Although it looked bad, it was gone in hours.  "The Plan" has still not come into fruition but I am seeking a better one.  Counseling?  Maybe.  I’ll let Him guide me.
 
It took me thirty plus years to make Him the center of my "plans" – although I slip up a lot.  For others it takes an instant to relax in His arms.  Oh, what a stubborn woman I am!  Oh, what a patient Father He is!
 
Do you believe in the supernatural?  Absolutely.  I know there is spiritual warfare between good and evil going on all the time.  However, I read the end of the book and I know who wins!  (I do not believe in ghosts but angels and fallen angels or demons.)
 
Do you believe in coincidence?  Not any more.  That annoying thing at home that made me late might have kept me from getting into a car accident.  Or worse.
 
Do you put your keys in the same place every time you come home or are you always searching for them?  Mother got me into the habit of placing them in the same place when I was still living at home.  It is a good thing.
 
Do you habitually turn off lights when you leave a room?  Once again, Mother training kicks in and I do.  However, getting The Boy to do it…..I make him get up to turn them off even if he is settled in and I am going in that direction anyway.
 
Have you become more "green" since the price of petroleum products went up?  As a matter of fact, yes.  Even though the prices have gone down, I am still driving differently to consume less gas.  I’ve always kept the heat low but have lowered it even more.  Finally, I have been remembering to bring cloth tote bags to the grocery store.  I’m trying
 
Have a blessed weekend, all.  Hope I didn’t go on too much but my fingers seemed to do what they wanted to do today!  hugs, gail
 
 

12 responses to “Freakish Fluff Falls

  1. Wow, thanks for sharing your story. I am glad you came through. There would be a big hole if you were still on that couch.FF:I don’t know about that first one. I don’t believe in ghosts. If God is considered supernatural, then yes. I DO believe in coincidence. I don’t much believe in ‘signs’. I think God gave me the good sense to make decisions, but if I looked hard enough I could find a ‘sign’ to make the choice for me. But it’s just a coincidence and a way to not have to make a tough decision myself. That sounds harsh, huh? I’ve had my fill of a couple of people in my life waiting for God to guide their lives. I want to yell "God’s busy, decide already!" Sorry, you hit a nerve. :)Sadly, I am often hunting for my car keys. Because I really have no car keys anymore. Now I have to figure out where someone else has left them.I AM a conscientious light shutter offer. I was raised that way but I have failed somewhat with my kids.I think I have become quite a bit greener. I just can’t seem to remember those dang reusable bags, though!Have a happy weekend! And enjoy.

  2. hi gail, thank you for sharing this blog. I relate to lots of it. the scripture from jeremiah was sent to me this week on facebook, I needed to see it, although I have been given it many times and read it myself and sent it to others many times. I am a stubborn self pitying woman too, and sometimes even though I recognize it in myself it is difficult to turn from it. – I am a depressive and was diagnosed with clinical depression a few years back, I dont want to go down that path again, but it sometimes beckons me. congrats on your green efforts, I am not as dilligent as you, but I am trying – have a happy weekend, hugs nita.

  3. I’m so glad you’ve perservered, and won.. He has brought you through.. and will continue to perfect you til the day of judgement! It’s amazing to me, I see so many similarities in you and I. I saw lots when I read your 101.. I just keep on pushin’ and figure He’ll keep pulling me along.. Good blog. I like learning more about you. hugs,Jean

  4. Good morning g — Yes, Spaces has been in a lull lately — I’ve noticed over the years I’ve been here, it does happen occasionally. It always ends though. For me, it’s the change of seasons — as I become more active and adjust my schedule. I was just thinking the other day about how different my life turned out, than what I wanted it to be or thought it would be. I wanted to be a teacher as well, but life’s circumstances put me on another path. I’ve always wanted to work helping people, yet circumstances steered me in other directions — maybe just as well, as I tend to take on other peoples troubles as my own in my desire to help. As strong as I think I am, carrying that kind of load takes a toll. Anyway — having spoken with you personally I have to tell you that I find you to be a pleasure to talk with, helpful, humorous, and caring. I feel you are a person of action and I admire that. Hey! I’m not really too late for the falderal this week! Only a day!Do you believe in the supernatural? Yes, I definately do. Some experiences cannot be explained any other way. I belive sometimes, someones spirit may linger in a certain place and people who are sensitive to others feelings (and I am) can feel it.Do you believe in coincidence? No — I can’t excatly give instances at this moment but whoever said "life is full of coincidences", has it all wrong.Do you put your keys in the same place every time you come home or are you always searching for them? Damn g — now I’m wondering where my keys are. Do you habitually turn off lights when you leave a room? No, sadly I am so preoccupied about where I’m headed next, that I forget. And sometimes I leave the room, thinking I’ll be going right back in there only to find hubby turning it off and loudly complaining about how it’s too bad we don’t own stock in the local power company. Have you become more "green" since the price of petroleum products went up? Yes, I walk to the post office now instead of driving around the corner. (kidding…) I never was a big one for driving, and considering I live only a mile from my job and the local stores I was never a big consumer to begin with. And I still am trying to train myself about those bags….I bought 5 of them and no matter how hard I try, can never remember to grab them. I will come up with a way though. I’ve tried keeping them in the car, but once again, I get so preoccupied I forget I have them there, until I get to the register.Ok — got my haircut last night, so I need to "hide the grey" before everyone gets up and I lose the bathroom to myself! Have a great weekend g – and hugs to Bells…..Deb

  5. Hi G…I suppose this isn’t a good time to tell you my lawn is already green and mowed…Wink!Phew! What a life for ya…But you have conquered in Him and it is who you are because of Him….Better and stronger. Woohoo!!!I appreciated your testimony of openness. Personally, I believe believers need to be more real and try not to put on that mask that they are not. High five Gail!!! Down low!!! Oooops!!! Too slow…Gothcha!!!!Do you believe in the supernatural? Right on girl…“Absolutely. I know there is spiritual warfare between good and evil going on all the time. However, I read the end of the book and I know who wins! (I do not believe in ghosts but angels and fallen angels or demons.)”When a person dies there spirit does not hang around it either goes to heaven or hell. Ghost Hunters/ Ghost Whisper are being deceived by fallen angels (demons/ different levels of devils).Do you believe in coincidence? Nope! Things happen because of choices and beliefs. That’s why things happen for a reason.Do you put your keys in the same place every time you come home or are you always searching for them? Yep! I’m an organized neat freak. Everything has its place.Do you habitually turn off lights when you leave a room? Absolutely! Save money and why waste energy. I’m in the process of making my home more energy efficient.Have you become more "green" since the price of petroleum products went up? Yes…Being greener knowledgeable is a good thing. But global warming is a crock. Here’s to warmer weather your way and joy throughout your home always…Greg http://blogquest.spaces.live.com

  6. Gail,I have been reading and rereading this for over an hour. Its exceptional, both with what you shared, how you overcame, and how you are still "working it" by HIS plan! I think this is your best post ever. I already thought you were one teriffic lady, now I think even more highly of you!Bless you my dear friend!Love, LizPS: I have http://www.fototrek.net/ going again! : )

  7. Hi Gail,Thanks so much for your comment on http://anotherpieceofthepuzzle.com/ ; it is very good to meet you. It’s great (and probably NOT a coincidence) that this post happened to be up when I visited! I have had my own experience with depression and also with the Lord healing me. To answer your questions, yes, yes, I try to, not always, a bit.Blessings to you and I look forward to getting to know you,Trish

  8. Wow! Thanks so much for sharing that powerful testimony. I"m so glad you have joy now. And thanks for stopping by myspace. I have been neglecting it because I have been so busy. So many things going on. Work is going great….keeping me super busy. I was invited as a guest lecturer at Towson to speak on disabilities across the lifespan. I just did that today. And then Thursday I’m moderating a program for the Maryland Nurses association. I"m kind of nervous about it but I know it will be good experience. I will post more on my blog later on…..maybe this weekend. Ok off to rest….Take care and God Bless.

  9. I agree with Carol Lu: WOW! What a fab entry. You are really letting it all hang out and that is wonderful for a soul. Very freeing of "crap." I learned so much about you from reading this entry! You impress me.That depression is a bear and life-ruiner. I know this too.Fab entry and I’ve had the flu for like 3 weeks now I guess. I am beginning to lose track it’s been so long.Life is never easy… seldom great… but wonderful with Jesus.That’s all I know. Love, Lori xoxo

  10. Sending lots of hugs Gail. Thanks for this wonderful entry. Glad you shared so much and the good thing is you never lost sight of God through it all. That says alot. I agree with Lori. Life is never easy , not everyday . It can be great I think . Smiles and Hugs my Dear Friend.

  11. this was an interesting post G. I like the posts where you do less falderal stuff and more about you, althiough the questions are interesting as they tell us more about you. 🙂 Thanks for the powerful testimony here. Perhaps you can share more about this therapy you’re doing at church. I may need to learn some of it. I find myself down/stressed more often than I should be. but I remind myself that true joy can only be found in the Lord, so I’m reminding myself to seek HIm more often..and put aside things to do and focus on Him.

  12. Hey gorgeous, this was awesome! I should check out that book, however, my counseling is also with a Christian therapist – what a difference a Christian makes, huh? I would answer your questions but I believe I wrote a novel on my blog today (big diff in me since Sat, huh?). Thanks for being such an amazing friend. You don’t scare me, I’ve hugged you! LOL !! Peace ! Lols =)

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